March often feels like a beginning.

Not in the loud, “new year, new you” way — but in a quieter sense that something is shifting. Softening. Re-emerging.

I have been feeling this deeply in my own life. This past season, stepping into being a mother of three, has been a season of creation in its most intimate form. Now, as Spring emerges, I sense a gentle shift within myself — a turning outward, toward creating again through words, ideas, and connection.

That subtle, internal feeling towards intentional growth — not by forcing momentum, but by making space — is exactly what we’re exploring right now in our new chapter of Selves Unedited. My colleague Dr. Danielle Colborn and I dive into a simple but powerful question:

What do you want to make room for in your life right now?

Because growth isn’t only about adding more.
Sometimes it’s about clearing space.

The Mental Space We Don’t Realize We’re Losing

Many of the people we work with — especially those struggling with high achievement, body image and/or eating concerns, or perfectionism — describe a kind of cognitive exhaustion.

So much mental energy goes toward:

• What am I going to eat?

• How do I look?

• What are they thinking about me?

• Did I say the wrong thing?

• Am I falling behind?

• Is this/am I good enough

It can feel normal because it’s familiar.

But over time, this constant internal monitoring shrinks your life. It crowds out creativity. Presence. Spontaneity. Connection.

When your attention is captured by self-criticism or control, there’s very little room left for joy.

The Illusion of Control

Often, these patterns begin as protection.

Preoccupation with food or weight can feel like:

• Structure

• Safety

• Certainty

• A way to manage anxiety

Perfectionism can feel like discipline.
Self-criticism can feel like motivation.
Avoidance can feel like self-preservation.

But over time, what once felt protective becomes restrictive.

Fear begins to dictate your choices.

You stay small.
You avoid risk.
You don’t apply, create, initiate, or speak up — just in case.

Fear Shrinks. Healing Expands.

In this episode, we talk about how fear often arises to protect us from rejection, judgment, or failure.

But meaningful living almost always requires tolerating some discomfort.

Going after your dream.
Having the hard conversation.
Letting yourself be seen.

Healing isn’t about achieving the perfect mindset before you begin.

It’s about creating space.

More space between you and the thought.
More space between fear and your behavior.
More space for your values to lead.

A Different Question

Instead of asking:

“How do I fix myself?”

Try asking:

What do I want more of?

More connection?
More creativity?
More ease?
More honesty?
More rest?

And then gently ask:

What is currently taking up the space that could belong to those things?

Listen to the Episode

In this season opener of Selves Unedited, we explore:

• Body image and cognitive overload

• Perfectionism and fear of judgment

• The psychology of control

• ACT-informed perspectives on values-based living

• Healing as expansion, not self-improvement

We hope you’ll listen and join our conversation.

You can listen here on Apple Podcasts:

And here on Spotify:

Growth isn’t about becoming someone new.

It may be about clearing enough space to return to who you’ve always been — underneath the noise.

New Format

This season, we’re trying something new! Instead of monthly episodes, we’ll release a longer deep dive into a major topic each month, accompanied by weekly episodes designed as guideposts to help us stay connected to what matters most to us, week by week. Let us know what you think!

Help Us Spread The Word!

If this episode resonates with you, would you consider leaving a rating or review? It truly makes a difference in helping others discover the podcast.

And if you think someone in your life might benefit from this conversation, feel free to share it with them. These discussions grow through word of mouth, and your support helps us continue this work.

Thank you for being part of this community — it means more than you know.

Education is often hailed as the great equalizer, yet extensive research shows that the playing field in the United States is far from level. In this episode of Meaning vs. Merit, I sit down with Dr. Rachel Pfeifer to discuss how schools — driven by test scores, rankings, and the relentless chase for “merit”— are shaping young people’s mental health, identity, and sense of worth.

I’ve been reflecting on merit and meritocracy in the context of education for years, and I’m so grateful to share this conversation with Dr. Pfeifer. We’ve known each other since high school, when we were close friends navigating the intense pressures of a high-achieving, college-prep environment. Since then, her path has taken her deep into the education system — from teaching fourth grade in the Mississippi Delta to leading college access programs and overseeing school strategy in a large urban district. She’s now my go-to expert on education, having worked within the system, critiqued and reshaped it — and, as a parent, had to navigate its complexities firsthand.

As national conversations about the Department of Education and school choice gain momentum, I hope this episode offers useful context about how our educational system is both supporting and failing students, how school choice could impact the landscape, and the complex role meritocracy plays in all of it.

One of my biggest takeaways from our discussion echoes what I hear so often from students and parents (and what I experienced myself): our schools often reward performance over learning, and outcome over process. When that becomes the norm, students start to define their worth by grades, test scores, extracurricular accolades, and resume lines — long before they have a chance to discover who they even are.

I hope you find this episode as thought-provoking and illuminating as I did. If it resonates with you, please rate, review, and share it with others who have kids/teens in school or simply care about the future of education in America.

Here are a few additional points we discuss:

The Illusion of Meritocracy

We are sold the idea that if you work hard (e.g., in school, at work, etc.) you’ll get ahead. But what happens when that promise doesn’t hold? When structural inequalities, access gaps, and resource disparities quietly rig the game?

“Merit” starts to become a euphemism for privilege. And that dissonance doesn’t just hurt the kids who are excluded — it distorts the values of those who are excelling within the system, too.

Achievement at What Cost?

Dr. Pfeifer and I also explored the mental health toll of today’s education culture. The intense focus on being productive, efficient, and “always on” shows up earlier and earlier in kids’ lives. We now hear elementary school students using phrases like “maximizing their output” or “optimizing their time.”

It’s no wonder so many students struggle with anxiety, burnout, and perfectionism before they even reach adulthood.

What Could School Look Like Instead?

We discussed possible alternatives — related to both policy and mindset. What if school became less about proving worth and more about cultivating curiosity? What if success wasn’t a narrow funnel but a broader invitation?

It’s not a simple fix, but Dr. Pfeifer shared examples of promising changes: more authentic assessments, relational teaching, and parental engagement focused on well-being over competition. Above all, she emphasized the importance of making room for meaning—not just merit.

🎧 Listen to the Full Conversation

If these questions resonate with you—whether you’re a parent, educator, student, or simply someone trying to make sense of how we define success—I hope you’ll take the time to listen.

What do you think? Are you feeling the pressure of meritocracy in your own life or community? I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments.

Leave a comment

That changed when I met Dr. Julia Colangelo, a Flow expert whose take on the subject was refreshingly simple, grounded, and human. I invited her to join me on this month’s Meaning vs. Merit podcast to unpack what Flow really is and how we can cultivate more of it — especially in a world so obsessed with productivity, performance, and external validation.

To start us off, Dr. Julia described Flow as:

“A state of consciousness where you are performing at your highest level, where you are naturally in your strengths, in your gifts, and you're lacking that usual - for most of us - self-doubt. So you're self-assured. You know that you're moving in the right direction. It’s a neurological experience, but over time, it’s also something you start to feel in this integrated way — even in your conversations.”

As she spoke, I realized how different this understanding of Flow is from the way many of us have been conditioned to think about achievement and success. We’re often taught that peak performance comes from relentless effort — from grinding, hustling, and constantly pushing ourselves to do more, be more, achieve more. But what struck me most in our conversation was how radically different Flow is from what hustle culture teaches us.

Flow isn’t about pushing harder or doing more. In fact, Dr. Julia notes: “If you chase peak performance every day, you’ll inevitably burn out. Most of us need between one and two days a week — but not seven days a week.”

And perhaps just as importantly, Flow isn’t about proving yourself. It’s about connecting to yourself and immersing yourself in work, creativity, caregiving, or play that feels inspiring to you - so completely that the need to impress anyone else quietly fades away.

In Flow, you’re not chasing merit badges. You’re not performing for status or angling for applause. Flow invites us to trade hustle for meaning. It reconnects us to what truly matters — not what looks good on a résumé.

Fortunately, Dr. Julia shared that Flow doesn’t require a sabbatical or a silent retreat. It might look like:

• A three-hour window on a quiet Sunday afternoon

• A solo walk in the rain

• A playlist that activates your senses

• A project you dive into purely for the joy of it

How we tap into flow is deeply personal and incredibly flexible, and she provides tips on understanding our activators and indicators of flow.

And perhaps most importantly, Flow is regenerative. Maybe that’s why it matters now more than ever.

As we navigate economic uncertainty, political tension, and environmental crises, so many of us feel too overwhelmed to even consider Flow. But Dr. Julia offers a powerful reframe: When life is most chaotic is when we need Flow the most. Not to escape, but to reconnect — to ourselves, to presence, to clarity, to creativity.

If you’ve been feeling like you’re falling behind, or not doing enough, or not Special enough… consider this:

Maybe you’ve just been chasing the wrong kind of Special.

I hope you’ll listen to the full episode (below). If you enjoy it, please remember to share it with friends, let us know your thoughts, and rate and review it!

This week on Meaning vs. Merit, I sat down with changemaker Saahil Mishra—an 18-year-old tackling one of today’s biggest challenges—social media and teen well-being.

Saahil founded Unwiring after a powerful realization: despite messaging a friend every day, he had no idea they were struggling with severe anxiety and depression—until they met in person. From there, he launched a movement. His nonprofit now is dedicated to educating and empowering young people on responsible social media use, and he’s working to make digital spaces healthier for the next generation. Some of the exciting things he has accomplished:
🔹 Met with high-level government officials, policymakers, and platforms like Meta to advocate for safer, healthier digital spaces
🔹 Hosted a youth summit featuring top researchers
🔹 Led workshops on responsible media use

Saahil describes his philosophy as seek meaning first, and let merit follow. His story is a powerful example of how passion and purpose can drive real change—even at an early age. And one of my favorite quotes of his:

In our conversation, we discuss:
💡 Why prioritizing meaning over merit has led to his biggest successes
💡 The real reason social media feels addictive
💡 His advice for teens and parents navigating the digital world

You won't want to miss it!
🎧 Listen now
💭 And let us know what you think - Can we design a better digital future?

And if you like our show, please rate, review it, and share it with your friends!

A few years back, I had the privilege of attending a family alumni camp hosted by Stanford University, where I experienced moments that left a lasting impact. One such moment was a serendipitous encounter with Dan Klein, a captivating camp speaker who teaches at Stanford's Business School, Drama Department, and Design School.

During dinner with my family, we found ourselves sharing a table with Dan. The conversation was electric, fueled by Dan's contagious spark. Dan inspired me, and I was eager to learn his insights on how he navigated life with such energy and enthusiasm.

Fast forward to today: I'm thrilled to share the launch of my podcast, where I had the honor of interviewing Dan Klein. In our conversation, Dan shared invaluable wisdom on the power of showing up, saying yes, and navigating through perfectionism and fear of failure. In this inaugural episode, Dan offers pearls of wisdom on finding a legacy that we can embody each day, not just leave behind. I invite you to listen in and discover the transformative power of saying yes and following your inspiration.

This is the first of many Meaning Vs Merit episodes, aimed at exploring the delicate balance between ambition and leading a purposeful life. In today's social and economic landscape, where the pursuit of merit often overshadows the quest for meaning, this topic is especially relevant for me as a clinical psychologist. Through insightful interviews with guests from diverse fields, I'm on a mission to uncover fresh perspectives and practical strategies for navigating the nuanced interplay between meaning and merit.

I hope you enjoy this inaugural episode with Dan Klein! Please let us know in the comments section. And if you'd like to be notified about our future podcast episodes, please connect with me here on LinkedIn or subscribe on Apple, Spotify, or wherever you listen to podcasts.

Live Your Legacy with Stanford's Dan Klein

Summary: To launch our podcast Meaning Vs Merit, Dr. Maria-Christina interviews Dan Klein, faculty member in the Drama Department, Business School, and Design School at Stanford University, about living your legacy. Dan shares his journey into the world of improv and illuminates the transformative power of embracing uncertainty, following meaning, and celebrating failure.

Listen Now!

Key Themes:

• Dan Klein's journey finding improv: Dan recounts his discovery of improv, highlighting the pivotal role it played in his personal and professional development. (03:09)

• Just Show Up. (09:01)

• Follow Your Inspiration. (09:25)

• Embracing the unpredictability of life's journey (09:45)

• The power of perspective: Dan Klein discusses the power of perspective, emphasizing the choice to view challenges through a positive lens. (13:34)

• The Power of Storytelling: Dan Klein delves into the profound human need for acknowledgment and the transformative impact of storytelling. (17:29, 19:06)

• Show-up while remaining open to the unexpected. (19:43)

• The power of saying yes: Dr. Maria-Christina and Dan Klein discuss the significance of saying "yes" and the role it plays in fostering creativity and collaboration. (21:58, 24:47)

• The power of "Yes, And" (24:45)

• Overcoming Self-Judgment: Dan Klein explores the detrimental effects of self-judgment and the importance of creating a supportive environment for idea generation. (26:04, 27:14)

• Failure and Imperfection: Celebrating Failure: Dan Klein advocates for embracing failure as an opportunity for growth and innovation, challenging societal norms surrounding success and failure. (28:03, 29:43) Reframing Failure: Dr. Maria-Christina and Dan Klein delve into the concept of reframing failure as an opportunity for creative exploration and self-discovery. (30:24) Embracing Imperfection: Dan Klein encourages individuals to embrace imperfection and adopt a mindset of exploration and curiosity. (31:35, 33:13)

• The audience is way more on your side: Dr. Maria-Christina and Dan Klein explore the profound impact of authenticity and vulnerability in connecting with an audience and fostering genuine human connection. (36:45, 38:52)

References made in this episode:

• More about Dan Klein: wcnworkshops.com, https://www.gsb.stanford.edu/faculty-research/faculty/dan-m-klein

• Keith Johnstone:

• Improv Wisdom, by Patricia Ryan Madson

• The Failure Bow: Matt Smith at TEDxBellevue:

In this Meaning vs. Merit episode, I had the privilege of sitting down with Dr. Michael Tompkins, a renowned psychologist and author. We explored the complexities of hustle culture and how to find meaning in a world where economic pressures often push us to go harder, faster, and further. Here are some key takeaways from our conversation.

The Role of Hustle

We started by talking about hustle culture—a concept many of us are familiar with. Dr. Tompkins shared his thoughts on hustle, emphasizing that while hard work is valuable, it’s crucial to approach it with flexibility. He explained that one of the keys to long-term success is hustling across different areas of life. “If you hustle relative to only one value,” he warned, “then if something happens relative to the situation, you are stuck.”

This was a powerful insight. Many of us might place all our value into one area—career success, for instance—but what happens when that career takes a downturn? The flexibility Dr. Tompkins talks about is essential. It’s about not just hustling for the sake of hustle, but understanding the different values that make up our identity. When we hustle for a greater purpose—whether it's family, personal growth, or something else meaningful—the work itself becomes more sustainable.

Connecting Hustle to Deeper Values

Dr. Tompkins also highlighted an important point: hustle isn't always about the money. For many, it’s about something deeper, like taking care of loved ones or contributing to a cause they believe in. When you connect your hustle to a meaningful purpose, it transforms the grind into something that feels less exhausting and more rewarding.

“Think about why you hustle,” he urged. “If you’re hustling to take care of your family, it’s not just about paying the bills—it’s about serving something far greater than yourself.”

When Hustle Feels Meaningless

There are moments when we feel drained by the very hustle we once thrived in. Dr. Tompkins provided some advice for those moments of burnout: reframe the way you view the hustle. Instead of focusing on the external rewards, consider the internal values it serves. “What are you really serving by working so hard?” he asked. Reflecting on this can help reignite a sense of meaning when the grind feels overwhelming.

Finding Meaning Beyond the Hustle

Dr. Tompkins also touched on the importance of flexibility when pursuing merit. In his experience, those who are willing to explore different paths often find greater satisfaction. He acknowledged that many people feel pressure to “find their passion,” but pointed out that meaning doesn’t have to come from a singular passion—it can come from the choices we make along the way.

Ultimately, he suggested that we should not view our careers or hustle as isolated events but rather as pieces of a larger picture that includes family, relationships, and personal growth. As we navigate the demands of life, it’s essential to make room for those other areas that bring us meaning.

Advice for Young People: Embrace Regret as a Signal

As we wrapped up the conversation, I asked Dr. Tompkins for advice for young people who are trying to balance meaning and merit in their lives. He emphasized the importance of recognizing and learning from regret.

“Regret is a signal,” he explained. “It’s not about dwelling on the past but using that signal to help you make better decisions moving forward.” For young people, this insight is especially valuable as they navigate the inevitable ups and downs of life and career.

Some Final Thoughts

As we continue to explore the delicate balance between meaning and merit in Meaning vs. Merit, I encourage you to reflect on how you’re balancing these forces in your own life. Are you hustling for a purpose, or simply caught up in the grind? How can you realign your efforts to serve something that brings you deeper fulfillment? These are the questions that can help guide your path toward a more meaningful life, both professionally and personally.

🎧 Don’t miss this valuable episode
✨If this episode resonated with you, please rate, review it, and share it with others who might benefit from this conversation!
💭 And let us know what you think!

Your support helps spread these important discussions, and I truly appreciate your engagement!

We hear the phrase "self-care" all the time—on social media, in wellness circles, even in corporate settings. But in 2025, what does it actually mean to take care of yourself? Is it a bubble bath after a stressful day? A strict morning routine? Or something deeper?

In the latest episode of our podcast, Selves Unedited, Dr. Danielle Colborn and I break down the evolving meaning of self-care in today’s fast-paced, high-pressure world.

Here are a few themes we discuss:

• Setting boundaries is essential for maintaining mental health.

• Navigating discomfort is a crucial aspect of self-care.

• Intentions and goals should align with personal values.

• Moderation is key to avoiding an all-or-nothing mindset.

• Embracing imperfection can lead to personal growth.

• Holistic health encompasses physical, mental, and emotional well-being.

• Authenticity fosters deeper connections in relationships.

• Mindfulness can help reduce anxiety and improve focus.

• Self-care is about living fully and loving oneself.

True self-care isn’t about achieving perfection. It’s about building a life that supports your well-being—mentally, physically, and emotionally.

Listen to the full episode here and let us know - what does self-care mean to you?